Monday, June 3, 2013

OOTD: A Strange Print

So I tried my hand at making a shirt. And it really is NOT my favorite shirt. Not by a long shot. It looks okay with the denim jacket, but I really just don't like the length and the print of this one. So I'm thinking it's going back in the pile for a recon (or maybe even the donate pile because I just don't see a world where a shirt in this print is "me"). I mean, it's cute enough. I just don't like it.

Sneakers: DIY/Me , Jeggings: AE , Shirt: Handmade/Me

And life, for me, continues to go on in weird and silly ways. For instance, I have a huge surprise for you all (that you might have already seen if you follow my tumblr or twitter - hint, it involves my head) and I can't wait to show you. Between sewing stuff, hair stuff and starting this new blog, I've really felt a lot more passionate about being myself. Which is nice because I've kind of felt... for a really long time that I keep trying to mimic other people instead of focusing on what I like. And it's cool. You've got to be cool with you.

Speaking of being true to yourself, I have some venting to do. If that's alright (it sure as fuck is, this is my blog after all).

About a year ago, or perhaps two, on Meg's Ragged Edge, I started talking about a "secret project" that I was very excited about showing you. I was working non-stop on this project, pouring my heart and soul into it, and I was so happy about it. It became a large part of my life and I became secretly really proud of it. Eventually, I admitted that it was a series of supernatural romance novels that I was writing. I just finished the third edit of the first book and I've already started the second.

This is where I've run into a slight snag. You see, some well-meaning people have decided that I should submit these books to a real publisher, which was NOT my first plan with these books. Having read several inspiring stories about indie authors self-publishing online, I wanted to go that route and list them on Amazon and Nook. You see, that's more my bag. That's where my experience lies- it's the most similar to things I like to do, which are online stores and marketing. I had a whole elaborate marketing plan set up for these books, I was looking at people to do cover art, I was talking to friends about beta-testing. I had a HUGE plan. Which also involved re-opening my online shop (now Cirque du Frock) with jewelry and vintage clothing collections themed around the girls in the books. I have Pinterest boards set up to pin pictures that inspire me to write these characters. I HAD A PLAN. And I was doing it on my own, and I WAS WORKING on something that I wanted to actually FINISH which was a huge accomplishment to me.

But no one really listened to this plan. Instead, I became pressured by many people to submit to a publisher. Because that is the only way this is a "real career" or a "real job" or worth my time. (By the way, I'd already been treating it as if it WERE a real job, a real book, a REAL THING.) Submit it, and if all else fails, and it gets rejected, you can still publish online, right? But at least you'll know.

And something that was absolutely my favorite thing in the world became the most stressful (and not in that good stress way) thing. I became frustrated. Listless. Depressed. I didn't want to work on it any more. My plans, which no one listened to in the fist place because no one asked, just didn't seem to matter to me anymore. I didn't even want to blog anymore because I had nothing nice to say. Sometimes, you just have nothing nice to say and you don't want to drag everyone down with you.

When school ended last week, I pulled myself out of it a little bit and finished the most recent edit of the first book. It counts at 234 pages long and it's one of the biggest projects I've ever attempted. It's a part of me. The problem is I don't know what to do with it now. I don't know what my next step is. I just don't know what to do because it's become such a stressful thing now. And it hurts because I feel like those closest to me didn't even want to hear my plan before starting to make their own, and it's not their project. So here is the question I put to you, my readers, whom I consider as close to me as friends I know in real life - what do you think? Any advice or words of wisdom? I know you'll all surprise me, you always do.

Sorry, but I had to get real there for a second. This has been weighing me down just a little too much and I need more opinions than I already have.

Have a happy week and I'll see you soon with a much more light-hearted post!

Edited to include: This is not in any way directed at one person particularly, rather it is a culmination of conversations held with about 20 people and my own personal research. I appreciate all of my friends and their opinions even if I usually disagree with them.

Edited one more time: Also, I want to point out that the whole "secret project: Meg writes books" thing was started as a self-publishing endeavor. It had never even crossed my mind to submit to real publishers. I always wanted to do this online, myself. I just thought that might add some perspective.


  1. First off, I sort of enjoy the top on you. But if it's not you/you're not comfortable with it, then definitely rework or cast it off into the world for someone else to enjoy!

    "Speaking of being true to yourself, I have some venting to do. If that's alright (it sure as fuck is, this is my blog after all)." -Secondly, you're AWESOME!

    Thirdly, I like your PLAN. This is your creativity, your baby, your life... you do what you want to do with it. And not to sound callous, but being of a similar nature (and even having the capability to shake off a lot of things), the rejection of a publisher could be crippling for someone who fights depression (not saying it would happen, but it is a possibility, since they're only thinking about end results/profit). I think you constructed a positive plan for yourself. Granted, you won't make the kind of money you might if a publisher picked up your books/series, but it sounds like you would actually enjoy the marketing you had planned. And frankly, that (happiness, that is) is far more important in life than money. But that's just the thoughts of an anti-corporate, indie thinker. Good luck!

  2. I like the colors of the top, but I understand your feelings on it - maybe you can re-work into something else!

    And it's totally ok to get real! I admire the fact that you are a writer and I think it's perfectly ok to not publish your work if you would rather not! Do it for the love of doing it. That's how I've always felt about singing - I do it because I love it, I don't want to be a recording star/famous whatever.

  3. Darling, you have to forge your own path in life. Convention and other people's opinions mean squat. Not only will you have more success doing things your way, you'll be happier.

    When I was in my twenties, I lived with Maura (an artist). She'd dedicated her life to painting and is still doing that work. We were taking a cab in NYC and the cabdriver, upon hearing she's an artist, started giving her ridiculous and bad advice. Ever worse, he was arrogant and presumptive about his advice, telling her she was doing things wrong. Eventually Maura got fed up. She asked him if he had a dream. He said yes. She said "...then why are you driving a cab?!!"

    Pursue your writing career YOUR way. Nothing else matters.

  4. I saw the peek on Tumblr--LOVE IT!!!

    This is your baby--I think self-publishing (which admittedly I know nothing about) allows YOU as opposed to some editor to have control of YOUR creation.

  5. Awww, Meg. Firstly, I think you look GREAT in that top (seriously, how talented are you to be able to whip something up like that?! I envy your genius skills!), and secondly, I think you should stick with your original plan... this is *your* creation! If self-publishing's where your heart's at, would it feel as satisfying to go in a different direction?

  6. Firstly, I like the top, but the print is so-so. It's cute, but I don't know if it's you. Sometimes clothes are just like that. My polka dot top I wore today? Wasn't me. It's cute, interesting, but just not me. I don't think dots are my thing.

    I give kudos for your sewing skills. Maybe find someone to gift the blouse to?

    As for the writing - Stick to your plan. People always think they know best about someone else's life. Every step of my life I've gotten those "well meaning" comments. But girl, you go your own way.

    I will say, I very much want to read your work. I do hope you self publish. And you never know, just because you self publish, doesn't mean you can't later publish to other venues or publish other books. I think you should set up a paid e-book option and sell it through this site here.

    The greatest thing about writing is you can be a writer - AND other things. You can write for yourself, small groups, fandom, the world! The audience is only limited by who you are willing to share your words with.

    Just remember to stick with YOUR dreams, Meghan. People will say shit no matter what, but let it slide off your skin. Keep smiling, keep dreaming, keep working hard and keep being amazing. Because you are.

  7. I had not realized the plan you had behind the publication of the book and certainly hope I wasn't one who pressured you. I think publishing has changed in BIG ways and starting with the publisher submission--rejection--acceptance route is fairly old school nowadays. I say to TRUST YOUR first instinct.

    1. Terri! NOT YOU AT ALL!

      Most people don't realize the plan I had, but that's because they didn't even bother to ask before spouting off at me, which is what really prompted the post. But it was NOT YOU. Definitely not. It's actually a whole bunch of other people.

  8. I like the top on you - but I am also a firm believer in clothes don't make you feel fabulous you should let them go! In regard to your book - I guess there are lots of times in life when friends/family TRY to help, but actually they just make you lose you way. It seems like you had a pretty firm path decided before everyone else voiced their opinion so you should keep on heading down that path. Also - we need to arrange one of these swaps we talked about soon xoxo

  9. I think you should go about it your own way. If there's enough interest or if you change your mind you can always go the traditional publishing route in the future. If you start that way now you can't do the self-publishing but if you start self-published then you can expand and grow from there.

    I read online about a guy who started off self-published on Kindle and his book garnered so much interest that he got a traditional book deal and the film rights have been bought and a film is being made. That's the thing with self-publishing the world is your oyster :)

    As for the top I like the shape but the colour and print aren't right. That happens sometimes. I tried on a dress yesterday in a charity shop and it was too loose on top (another company thinking bigger girl = ginormous boobs) and it probably could be adjusted but I wasn't sure I like the print enough, floral and polka dots together. One or the other maybe but not both. Plus it was sleeveless which is a no unless I really love something - like a skull patterned dress I found on eBay :D

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.